Paying The Interns (A Visit)

A paid internship? Hahahahaha! Who do you think we are, skilled laborers? This is the publishing industry. Senior Editor Matthew Fritch takes valuable time away from interviewing important people and creative artists to give face time to MAGNET intern Megan Brown (who did the weird drawings above—hopefully on her own time).

So you go to Moore College of Art and Design, which is a very nice and very women-only college. (I happen to know that the girls there are boy-crazy, by the way.) What’s that like?
Well Matt, I believe you have been misinformed. Moore girls are not so boy crazy. [Agree to disagree. They don’t call it Whore College of Tarts for nothing! —ed.] They prefer the term “confused” when it comes to that subject, and enjoy vagina music, manga and cats. The school is small and has hardly any bathrooms for boys. After med-school-like expenses, I still can’t draw hands!

What’s vagina music? Give me an example. Do you think MAGNET should have a “vagina music” column? If we did, would your classmates buy subscriptions?
The first example that comes to mind is Ani DiFranco. MAGNET should definitely not have a vagina music column! If you did, my classmates would not buy subscriptions. They are more likely to be sprawling out on the bookstore floor to read it, then putting it back on the shelf in the wrong place. Silly girls!

You draw a lot of pictures of birds and grandmothers. Can you self-analyze that for us?
Yes, I seem to have a fondess for old ladies and fowl. The bird thing might have something to do with my love of chicken wings. As for the grannies, perhaps I am confused as well. Or maybe I just like to eat dinner at 4 o’clock in the afternoon.

Aside from being forced to listen to Guided By Voices, have you found out about any bands you like by working at MAGNET? Like from our CD racks and stuff?
I was fascinated to hear about Robert Pollard’s habit of making a beeline for cheesesteaks each time he visits Philly. And recently I discovered I really like Of Montreal, and there’s nothing wrong with wearing lots of glitter on your face with a matching silver body suit like Kevin Barnes. [That explains Tuesday’s outfit. —ed.]

So the interns had a little get-together at McGlinchey’s (local dive bar) the other night. What’d everybody say about me? Who ordered the girliest drink? Do they still have a Ms. Pac-Man machine there? Did you guys plan a mutiny?
We took turns doing impressions of you eating Swedish meatballs at Ikea. Ryan (fellow intern) totally ordered the girliest drink, a big pink vodka cranberry! Calling it a Cape Codder doesn’t make it any manlier. There was no Ms. Pac-Man but we did all hold hands and belt out some Smiths tunes from the jukebox. [Boy, sorry I missed this outing! —ed.]

Have you noticed that half the office has fluorescent overhead lighting (Eric and Miles’ side) and the other half has the soft, civilized glow of lamps (my and Kim’s side)? Do you think there will ever be a civil war over the lighting? Whose side are you on, anyway? (I need to know because I’m making uniforms.)
Your side of the office does exude a much more relaxed, living-room feel, with the dim lighting and bookshelves and CDs. I know Miles asked for brighter lights in his office to make his beard appear darker and less girlish. I don’t want to pick a side or uniform until I see which one accentuates my beard. Maybe a versatile Hypercolor material would be best.

How do you know what Hypercolor is? How old are you, anyway?
Nothing made me more excited than when I was 10 years old and my Hypercolor shirt came out of the dryer and changed colors. That was 17 years ago.

You did a blog where you made fake album covers. What is your actual, real-life favorite album cover and why?
My favorite album cover might be The Velvet Underground And Nico, the one with the banana Warhol design. A great album, plus I think people today underestimate the importance of potassium intake.

Let’s talk about the tattoo you just got. How’s that working out?
It’s working out pretty well. It’s nice when people recognize that it’s Ferdinand the Bull, and not a weirdly shaped cat. Although since learning that Elliott Smith also had a Ferdinand tattoo, now people think I am depressed. [Do people not know you’re a MAGNET intern? That’s depressing enough —ed.]

You put ketchup on hot dogs, which is totally disgusting. That aside, what’s the grossest thing you eat?
Ketchup and cheese is the only way to go. Mustard should be saved for soft pretzels. Hmmm. I eat a lot of questionable items. The other day at a restaurant I attempted a fried artichoke. The food itself isn’t as weird as watching someone try to eat it. Awkward. Aside from that, I enjoy pouring lots of honey onto my microwave popcorn. And also dunking fruit roll-ups in iced tea, then swishing the tea around like mouthwash while trying to chew the roll-up. [So basically, you’re Will Ferrell in Elf? —ed.]It’s quite a workout. Full bowls of cake batter are also a favorite. And no, I’ve never had a cavity! [It’s never too late to get one! —ed.]

You know that I’m going back to the transcript and adding catty comments, right? I stole the idea from Sub Pop’s People Who Work Here.
Uh oh, don’t go telling people things like I enjoy salad [???? —ed.] or like to collect porcelain squirrels or something. I don’t want any weird stalkers! [I usually just call them “dates” —ed.]