Gary Numan’s Fascination: Children

It’s hard to believe it’s been more than three decades since the release of Gary Numan‘s The Pleasure Principle, the electronic-pop masterpiece that spawned massive hit single “Cars,” one of the defining tracks of the new-wave era. (The song has since been covered and sampled numerous times and been used in countless commercials, movies, TV shows, video games, etc.) To celebrate the highly influential album making in into the Billboard top 20 in 1980 and the recent multi-disc, 30th-anniversary reissue, Numan just kicked off a three-week U.S. tour that features him playing The Pleasure Principle in its entirety, along with songs from his entire career as well as tracks from forthcoming album Splinter. Numan will also be guest editing magnetmagazine.com all week. Read our Q&A with him.

Numan: I’m not a religious man but if I was, I would consider the biological need to want children, programmed into almost every living human being, to be His sneakiest piece of mischief in all of creation. What a cruel trick to play on people only just getting a grip on life themselves. We have lots of warnings about how effects of drugs, drink and smoking can ruin our lives but not a word about the effect children may have. Why not? I would like to see a picture of a haggard man, perhaps close to death, put onto every billboard and bus in the world. Advertising campaigns saying “Just Say No!” You can use my picture if you like as I look like a big bag of shit most mornings thanks to my children. Everything I did before I now cannot do. I get up when it’s still dark and help to get them ready for school. I spend a small fortune on that school and the thousand-and-one other things they want and need. Always with the desperate hope that they might actually say thank you. Just once. Just once in my entire lifetime as a parent I would like them to actually show some pleasure or gratitude for us taking them to that place they’ve always wanted to go, for buying that horse that they couldn’t live without, for living in a beautiful house in a slap-free environment, for giving up every hobby I have ever loved so that I could be with them. Gemma has given up even more than I but doesn’t even have the luxury of a loud voice with which to shout. My only remaining pleasure is to shout once in a while knowing that it does nothing whatsoever other than make me feel as if I have some kind of authoritarian facade intact for the benefit of the outside world.

They drive you mad. The unrelenting lack of gratitude, the almost fanatical degree of selfishness, the extreme cruelty they show to each other, their unashamed ability to grass each other up, plot each other’s downfall, their ability to move the “acceptable behaviour” goal posts almost daily, always one step ahead of any measure taken by the parent to bring them back into line. It’s like doing battle with a three-girl team of tactical geniuses. We, as parents, are totally out of our depth, hopelessly outclassed. I would give up my life without a seconds thought if it would give them another second to live theirs. I would give them every penny I have, and probably will, if it will make their lives better, even for a day. I have handed my life over to them but try feebly to pretend otherwise. But who gets thanks at Christmas for their small mountain of presents? Fucking Santa Claus, that’s who. Who gets thanks for taking them to Disneyland? The lady selling the tickets. Life isn’t fair. I had this romantic image of what being a parent would be like. Gentle walks and eager, interested little faces hanging on to every word of Dad’s fascinating and funny stories. But no. They know best, they know how airplanes fly and why rockets have fire coming out of them, how computers work and exactly where Heaven is. They already firmly believe that they know everything they need to know. They can drive better than me (untrue), they can see further (true), hear better (very true) and run for longer (absolutely true).

If you are happy with your partner and enjoying life, stay that way. If the c-word is ever mentioned or considered, banish it from your home. They take away your shape, your life, your money, your patience, your time, your energy, your individuality, your peace of mind, your thoughts, everything. Your friends drift away slowly but surely, your holidays become nothing more than a never ending search for somewhere that will keep them occupied until it’s time to go home. And they give you … .a smile. And everything is suddenly OK with the world. Yes, they should come with a health warning, because everyday they will curl up in bed, close their eyes, go to sleep and break your heart.