OK, that would have meant Caribou Barbie as vice president, but would that be any worse than the crimes against good music that an Obama victory has brought us? Despite burying a keyboardist every year or so of its existence, the Grateful Dead kept on truckin’ until Jerry Garcia went to that all-you-can-eat Ben & Jerry’s in the sky. But even Captain Trips’ 1995 death couldn’t kill the Dead, which kept on touring for almost another decade. So it felt like a breath of fresh air for patchouli haters everywhere when Bob Weir, Phil Lesh and Mickey Hart finally hung up their hemp guitar straps and drumsticks once and for all in 2004. But last year they decided they needed to get back together for a one-off concert for Obama; one show led to two and, now, a whole freaking tour. This is not the change we need.
But even a reunited Dead is nothing compared to what the president-elect has wrought: Ashford & Simpson have remade their 1984 hit song “Solid (As A Rock)”—a.k.a. the worst song from a decade full of worst songs—in honor of Obama. “Solid (As Barack)”—you probably saw Fred Armisen and Maya Rudolph perform it on Saturday Night Live last October and thought it was a joke—was released today as a digital download. God bless America. God forgive Ashford & Simpson.
“Solid (As A Rock)” from Ashford & Simpson’s Solid: