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Give Patrick Carney Some: Combo Fast-Food Joints

Patricklogo100eFYou probably know drummer Patrick Carney as half of the Black Keys, the acclaimed Akron, Ohio, duo he formed in 2001 with guitarist/vocalist Dan Auerbach. But Carney has been equally prolific with his own ventures, including Audio Eagle (his record label and recording studio) and now Drummer (a band featuring four other Ohio skinsmen that just released Feel Good Together). Carney, the nephew of multi-instrumentalist Ralph Carney (Tom Waits, They Might Be Giants), always seems to have a lot going on, including Blakroc (a Black Keys project with rappers such as Jim Jones, Mos Def, Q-Tip, RZA and Ludacris with an album due next month) and a Black Keys New Year’s Eve show in Chicago. Carney will also be guest editing magnetmagazine.com this week. Read our Q&A with him.

fastfoodcombo2Carney: Often times when a larger entity owns a number of fast-food chains, they’ll put a couple of them together in one franchise/storefront. I understand this. We’re all looking to be more efficient, maximize our potential and make a few bucks in the process. Besides, sometimes when you want some Dunkin’ Donuts, a scoop from Baskin-Robbins is just the thing to wash it down. I can even get behind the KFC/Pizza Hut combo. Want some fried chicken? No? How ’bout a slice of pizza? It’s a junk-food haven! Sometimes these combinations get out of hand, though. I’m looking at you, A&W/Long John Silver’s. Any one of these restaurants would be bad enough on its own. (The filet of fish is already the last kid picked for the team in the fast-food world–you’re really going to build an entire franchise around it? And who exactly thought that fast-food shellfish was a good idea?). But why on earth would you put the two together? You pair up a weak franchise with a strong one, fine—maybe being next door to Nobu steers a couple people in A&W’s direction—but having to choose between Long John Silver’s own brand of botulism and A&W’s third-rate take on McDonalds? That’s like choosing which eye you want to be poked in: left or right. That’s a punishment. That these places continue to make enough money to exist is mind-blowing. I suppose if you have the poor judgment to take the family to Long John Silver’s for an evening out, nothing about sharing the kitchen with an A&W is really going to turn you off, but I fail to see how pairing these two establishments up is really going to equal more than the sum of its parts. Neither of these franchises is going to do any favors for the other. I say that if you have one storefront, focus on what works. Be the best damn A&W you can be. Clean those rats out of the deep fryer, salt those fries, and keep the secret sauce out of the sunlight. Maybe then, once you’ve got one palatable restaurant operating, we can worry about the surf and turf. Video after the jump.