MAGNET’s Maureen Coulter will be reporting from the 2012 Outside Lands Festival in Golden Gate Park.
Festivals have become much more refined and accessible since the days when I first ventured into the realm. Back then, you could generally expect a three-day-long haze of pot smoke, gratuitous String Cheese Incident jamming and burnt-out Deadheads trying to sell you hemp necklaces and mescaline. At Outside Lands 2012, it’s just as likely you will see a shiny Volvo station wagon driving up to the grounds as a rust-rimmed, bumper-stickered VW bus. Heck, even Lars Ulrich will have his progeny in tow; when the Metallica drummer spoke during a press conference recently, he talked about how he brings his kids to the festival every year. This time, with his band unleashing its enduring thrash-metal fury upon 75,000 fans Saturday night, it will be no different. “It’ll be fun for the whole family,” he quipped. Taking Ulrich at his word, I’ve created the unofficial Outside Lands Family Outing Lineup. By following this list, which pairs up relatives with complementary artists, I promise you and your folks will have more fun here than at your second cousin’s eighth-grade graduation party.
Dad
Neil Young: Folk/rock demigod and crunchy activist who recently released Americana, his 34th (34th!) studio album. He hasn’t burned out yet and is refusing to fade away. He and his band Crazy Horse are headlining Friday night.
Mom
Norah Jones: Jazz/folk crooner who typically would be heard while sipping a latte at Starbucks has come out with an album produced by musical Midas, Danger Mouse. She will be performing Sunday evening.
Brett (21-year-old student at State)
Jack White: Critical-darling punk/blues rocker whose superpower is forming awesome bands: the White Stripes, the Ranconteurs, the Dead Weather, etc. This Sunday, he swoops into Golden Gate Park solo, guitar in hand, prepared to vanquish concert-goers end-of-the weekend lethargy.
Robbie (16-year-old high-school sophomore)
Skrillex: Gotta have something for the kids. On Sunday evening, supply your teenagers with a fistful of glow sticks and head to Wine Lands with the spouse. Wobbling bass is an acquired taste.
Steph (14-year-old middle schooler)
Santigold: The avant-garde hip-hop songstress has a new album out, Master Of Make Believe. She emanates female power and coolness without the bra-burning histrionics.
Baby Joey
fun.: Power-pop band best known for hit single “We Are Young,” featuring Janelle Monáe. Similar to teeny-bopper faves Paramore and Panic! At The Disco, and got its start on MySpace, natch.
Grandma
Stevie Wonder: The Motown prodigy probably has a walk-in closet just to store his Grammys (22 to be exact). One of the greatest singer/songwriters of all time, Wonder is bringing his legendary piano and pipes to the stage on Sunday night.
Grandpa
Grandaddy: You just know Gramps will look at the program and make a mildly funny crack about how he should see this band because they share the same name. So make him go. The space-pop group has been around enough to spawn a few generations itself.
Uncle John
Foo Fighters: Songs churned out by the Dave Grohl-helmed band are as reliable as the family Labrador and a permanent fixture in blue-collar neighborhood garages and sports bars. The alt-rock hit machine will be dueling Neil Young for festival-goers Friday night.
Aunt Debbie
Franz Ferdinand: The Scottish quartet shot to fame in the early aughts with its dance-y, beat-heavy rock in the same vein as Maroon 5 or Gwen Stefani. Catch ’em early on Sunday afternoon.
Cousin Jim (23-year-old paper company salesman)
Big Boi: Maybe by now the glitch will have been worked out. Last year, the crowd waited an hour for the rapper to not perform. The other half of OutKast is back to make things right on Saturday afternoon.
Cousin Courtney (18-year-old senior in high school)
Passion Pit: The electro-pop foursome—named after the bygone pastime of teenagers making out in cars at the drive-in—just released a new studio album full of its familiar twinkling dance pop. If you are getting the itch to groove Saturday night, bring your dancing shoes. Just make sure Mom approves.
