We’ve been fans of New Jersey’s finest since even before their first album came out back in 1994, so let’s just say we’re used to sitting around waiting for them to take their sweet-ass time putting out new music. (Three albums in more than 14 years makes the Wrens about as prolific as Boston, which is kind of like being as tall as Peter Dinklage.) Given their propensity for not even updating their website (the most recent entry is promoting a Charles Bissell solo show on December 11), we decided to take matters into our own hands to keep fans up to date with the latest Wrens news. Each week, we’ll check in with Bissell to find out just what exactly the quartet hasn’t been up to.
:: Wrens Watch, Dec. 29, 2008
MAGNET: I thought after how poorly things went the last time, we could start with an apology. Cool?
Bissell: Cool.
[Silence]
I’m waiting.
Waiting for what?
[Singing in a dead-on Lou Gramm voice] For a girl like you to come into my life. [Pause] For your apology, Charles. What do you think?
Hold on a fucking sec. You said you were gonna apologize.
No I didn’t. Fine, don’t apologize for being a jerk. But you can apologize to your fans for taking so long between albums. I mean, the first seven-year gap between records was kind of endearing and cute. This one is just kind of pathetic and sad.
You mean pathetic and sad like it taking MAGNET until almost 2009 to have something that resembles a real fucking website? Welcome to the ’90s, douchebags.
You kiss your son with that mouth? You probably do, because I can certainly see that you aren’t using that mouth to sing any new Wrens songs.
[Pause] Wait, you hear that sound? Know what that is? That’s me hanging up on you again. Go fuck a duck, cocksucker. [Hangs up]
Check in next week to see what’s going on in the wild and wacky world of the Wrens.
