We Are Scientists—the duo of vocalist/guitarist Keith Murray and bassist/vocalist Chris Cain—are known for the oblique humor and intelligence that they bring to their music, but a question about their sharp mental acuity produces gales of laughter. “I don’t believe brains or wit are particularly helpful, or necessary, in pop music,” Murray says, still chuckling. “If we intended our appeal to be narrow and excessively insular, those qualities might be good for us, but nobody likes a smartass.” Despite this protestation, the songs on the band’s new LP, TV En Français (Dine Alone), are brimming over with wry humor and skewed insights into the state of modern romance. TV En Français was recorded with the help of producer Chris Coady (Yeah Yeah Yeahs, TV On The Radio), who helped give the album a polished, expansive sound. Cain will be guest editing magnetmagazine.com all week. Read our brand new feature on the band.
Cain: We spend about 100 hours a week researching and developing new jokes. Once they’re finished, we use them at parties, in speeches and as things to say to cops. Here are a few of this week’s gems. Bring them to the pub tonight and see if your pals don’t eye you with a little more respect than you’re used to.
“What’s the difference between a dog and tree?” “Where the bark is! Where it comes from!”
“And the difference between a cow and ice cream?” “Ice cream’s contents are enclosed by waffle, and a cow waffles when you ask him to disclose his contents!”
“Between Judas and the Romans?” “Jesus got double-crossed!”
“What’s the difference between a newspaper and toilet paper?” “One is for wiping and one is for spreading!”
“What did the aggressive pugilist say to the toilet?” “I’m going pull up your lid and shit down your neck!!!”
“Wait a minute,” says the man to the bird, “I’ll print out directions.” “That’s OK,” says the bird, “I’ll wing it!”
“A woman looks in the mirror and tells the store clerk, ‘No thanks. I think this jacket reflects poorly on me!’”
“What did the happy book say to his friend, also a book?” “We have a very good shelf life!”
“What’s the difference between the cooked pig and the man who dislikes it?” “The pig roasts on the spit!”
“And the difference between a truffle pig and hippies?” “The pig grunts and ruts before he finds the mushrooms!”
Have fun with these, and remember that when it comes to successful joke-telling, delivery is everything. Don’t be afraid to mumble quietly in a foreign accent!
