From The Desk Of Simon Love: An Introduction

Welsh singer/songwriter Simon Love just released his sophomore solo album, Sincerely, S. Love x (Tapete). You should buy it immediately. The foul-mouthed Love will also be guest editing all week. Please allow him to introduce himself. And remember, kids: Love is all around and all you need.

Hello! My name is Simon Love, and I will never own a house. I’m very sorry but I’m nothing to do with the 20th Century Fox’s motion picture Love, Simon. To fill in the gaps for those of you who don’t know who I am, I’ve answered (some) of the questions from the application form to join the Church Of Satan:  

If you were granted three wishes, what would they be?
One, no more money issues. Two, happiness for my friends. Three, the painful death of all my enemies.  

What is your life’s goal, and what steps have you taken to attain it?
To be an good human and make music. I’ve tried my best to live the dream on limited means.

How many years would you like to live?
At least until I’m 70? I don’t know. My grand-dad lived to be 91. I don’t think I could take another 50 years of all this.

What are your musical tastes? 
I like pretty much everything (except reggae), but I especially love the work of Paul McCartney and Harry Nilsson.  

Cite four motion pictures you consider your favorites
A Hard Day’s Night, Superbad, Harold And Maude and The Wicker Man (the original one, of course).

What are your food preferences?
Pizza, curry, baked beans and chicken schitznel (not all together).

Cite four books you consider favorites
Revolution In The Head by Ian MacDonald, Confederacy Of Dunces by John Kennedy O’Toole, Getting Rid Of Mr Kitchen by Charlie Higson and All These Years Vol 1: Tune In by Mark Lewisohn.

As a child, what were your favorite pastimes? 
I really loved riding my bike, playing football and discovering pornographic magazines in woods. 

Of which country other than the one in which you now reside would you prefer being a resident?
I’d love to live in America. New York to be precise. My son was conceived there, and like the Beckhams, we’ve named him after the precise area it happened. Bedford–Stuyvesant Love has a beautiful ring to it.  

What is your personal definition of magic?
My friend Andrew can do really good close-up card tricks. I believe him to be a male witch. 

Are you self-sufficient or are you most productive in a group?
I feel that my ability to work well within a team and yet take individual responsibility are important qualities in a job of this nature. 

Do you make friends easily if you so choose?
All depends if they’re dickheads or not. 

In what organizations do you hold membership?
I was a member of Pulp’s fanclub from 1994 until the early 2000s. I always wanted a Blue Peter badge but was too working class to get one. 

Tell one of your favorite jokes.
I went to a pet shop to buy a fish. The man asked, “Do you want an aquarium?” And I said, “I don’t care what starsign it is.”

Do you drink alcoholic beverages? If so, to what extent? State preferences.
Oh, yeah! Sometimes to excess. Vodka and orange, brandy and Coke, lager beer. Or anything that’s going. 

Do you have any tangible services or resources which you would care to contribute
I am a rock-hard fighter and monkey trainer. 

Define Satan.
A smooth, glossy fabric, usually of silk, produced by a weave in which the threads of the warp are caught and looped by the weft only at certain intervals.